Every morning I open my closet door searching for the outfit that will suit my mood for the day. While initially looking at hanging clothes, my eyes make their way to the back of the door where my 4th grade self hung up inspirational quotes. Taking center place is the one written in sharp cursive lines: “Life is tough, but so are you.”
As I allow the profundity of the words to wash over me, my eyes begin to close as I transform back into the young girl who once internalized this quote as the melody of her life. The girl who was infatuated with the idea of striving for inner strength and resilience in all domains of her life. The ambitious student who pasted this very mantra within her locker each year, believing that if only she could embrace the adversities of life with unmatched inner toughness and endurance, she could flourish. The young scholar who strived to have sheer willpower in the face of academic pressures, trying to rise above every challenge by creating elaborate notes and spending hours perfecting assignments. The young gymnast who believed that she could only blossom if she continued to physically push herself to the max through hours of strenuous conditioning.
Although she may have had immense “toughness,” and appeared to be unflappable in the face of life’s adversities, perhaps something was missing. Perhaps her pursuit of becoming the epitome of a “tough” individual, able to combat the adversities directed from the world around her, she subsequently lost the ability to cultivate self-love, forgiveness and joy. While striving for academic success, she may have been able to build resilience, yet she also sacrificed her well-being and her ability to be at peace with herself and the efforts that she had made. In yearning for perfection on the competition floor, she neglected the fact that what her body truly needed was for her to have patience and provide opportunities for physical restoration. Perhaps what I needed was a sprinkle of self-compassion, and to learn that harsh reality that “toughness” cannot stand on its own in the face of adversity. To understand that “Life is tough, but…” patience and compassion will prevail.
When I wake up and gaze into my mirror, I still see fragments of the same naive girl staring back at me. The one who thought filling hour after hour refining her school assignments’ words was the best way to succeed. Or that constantly pushing her body was the only way to blossom. She may only be a few steps in this journey to self-restoration, but I suspect she still has many more to go. I hope she realizes that being patient and allowing for some space in her life will bring her exactly what she’s looking for.
