When scrolling through social media, you’ll see a version of feminism that’s flashy, loud and often harsh. There’s recently been soundbites and comments like “We don’t need men,” or “All men benefit from the oppression of women.” Many influencers preach about being “high-value women,” while mocking those who choose more traditional paths. Feminism, once rooted in equality, now often feels like a competition.
At its core, feminism was about giving women equal opportunities: to work, vote, lead and live freely. It was never about uniformity, nor about tearing anyone down. True feminism respected differences and championed the right to choose. But somewhere along the way, especially on social media, that message got lost.
Needless to say, I believe women should be treated equally to men. It is widely understood that there are very real struggles women have faced and still face, but I would never call myself a feminist. The version of feminism I see online feels less about equality and more about judgment, especially toward women who don’t follow a specific script.
Today, feminism is often portrayed as rejecting anything that looks traditional. A woman who chooses to stay home, raise children or support her partner’s career is often seen as weak or “anti-feminist.” The irony? These women are making their own choices which is the very thing feminism was supposed to support.
Social media fuels this divide. Platforms that were meant to connect us now amplify the loudest, most extreme voices. A woman celebrating her life as a stay-at-home mom or expressing her femininity can be ridiculed for “setting women back.” Instead of embracing the diversity of women’s choices, online feminism has created a narrow mold of what an “empowered” woman should look like.
It’s not just about lifestyle, either. Women are constantly told they’re “not feminist enough.” Wear makeup or dress femininely? You’re accused of feeding into the patriarchy. Hold conservative values? You’re labeled as a traitor to your gender. There’s no room for nuance or individuality. It’s just a checklist of beliefs and behaviors you’re expected to follow.
Even in dating, contradictions appear. Some say women should abandon all gender roles, but they still expect men to pay for dinner or open doors. That’s not equality. That’s cherry-picking traditional norms when they’re convenient, while shaming others who choose them as a lifestyle.
The problem isn’t feminism itself. It’s how the movement has been distorted, especially by online culture. Real feminism is about supporting all women, whether they want a high-powered career, a quiet family life, or something in between. It’s about freedom, not rules.
As young people growing up in a world shaped by social media, we need to be more thoughtful. We need to listen more, shame less, and remember that true empowerment means allowing every woman to define success for herself.
If feminism wants to stay relevant and meaningful, it has to make room for all women, not just the ones who shout the loudest online.
