Weekly Gonk Update

Nick Longo, Staff Writer

-McDonald’s has begun testing a “build-your-own-burger” concept in California, which lets people pick what they want on their burgers using a tablet computer, rather than ordering their meal with a cashier. To restate that, McDonald’s is slowly turning California into the ship from “WALL-E”.

-In January this year, Colorado earned about two million dollars from taxes on recreational marijuana. Not to be outdone when it comes to earning revenue, Algonquin Regional High School has begun selling chicken nuggets every Wednesday at lunch.

-After Russian president Vladimir Putin threatened to invade Ukraine during the ongoing hostilities between the nations, US president Barack Obama urged Putin to call back his troops stationed in Crimea, a republic that is part of Ukraine. Putin responded with “Crimea river”.

-In a recent election of the highest legislative body of North Korea, supreme leader Kim Jong Un received 100 percent of the votes, securing his position in the nation’s government, due to the fact that his name was the only one present on the ballot. Because of this, he was also voted “Best Dressed” and “Most Athletic”.

-Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook, has launched a campaign to ban the word “bossy”, arguing that the put-down prevents girls from aspiring to leadership positions. The campaign is still facing its largest threat, however: anybody who can think of a synonym for the word “bossy”.

-Engineers at the University of Tokyo have created a band known as “Z-Machine”, whose members consist of humanlike robots that have multiple limbs and hair made out of cables. The developers of the robots stated that they had been inspired to create the band by the success of their previous project, another bizarre humanlike android by the name of “Ke$ha”.

-Kanye West is facing two years’ probation and 250 hours of community service after assaulting a member of the paparazzi. However, Kanye has remarked that he is looking forward to the community service, since he has heard that Kanye West will be there.