The day has finally arrived; months full of anticipation, nail-biting, and draft after draft of the same speech have culminated into a momentous event. That day for all Americans is November 24: Thanksgiving.

When Donald J. Trump celebrates this holiday within his mansion, made from steel imported from China, it’s likely that he will undergo a brief moment of self-reflection, contemplating how truly remarkable he has been over the past year in American politics. With his hair combed back, his teeth whitened, and his spray tan drying from a recent trip to the salon, it’s presumable that his inner monologue will go a little something like this:

1. I am really thankful for the upcoming defeat of Hillary Clinton. She’s a nasty woman, she really is. With her in the picture, America can truly see who the real winner of this election is. And it’s not Hillary Clinton. She’s the worst politician in history. Her and Obama have destroyed America, but don’t worry; I will make it great again.

2. I am so immensely proud of my supporters, who have stood by me no matter what. Hillary likes to call them deplorables, but I prefer to call them racist white males fighting to take back their country. Deplorables, huh? She’s deplorable. She probably doesn’t even know what deplorable means. Now that’s what I call a shameful woman. Shameful, I say.

3. I am so thankful that immigrants do exist. America is white, the whitest country you’ll ever see, besides Sweden. Swedes are really pale, probably the palest people on Earth. Americans are a close second. Without these immigrants, my dry-cleaning wouldn’t get done. My wife probably wouldn’t be here either. Thank God for immigration.

4. I am truly thankful for bricks and stone, as those are the main components of my famous wall. Some say it will rise one hundred feet in the air. It really will. Nobody can build a wall taller than I can. No, I’m the best at building walls, especially to keep people out. I’m the best wall-builder history will ever know. And you know who will pay for it? Mexico. We take in their people and we spend the time to build a wall for them, so why not let them pay for it? Wow folks, is this wall going to be amazing.

5. I truly appreciate the women I’ve come to meet. Small, big, flat, you name it, I’ve seen it. I love women. I really do. Nobody loves beautiful women more than I do. Take a look at Melania. She’s beautiful. She’s tan, young, and she’s Slovenian. There’s nothing better than being Slovenian. You know, they have beautiful women in Slovenia. Truly beautiful women, like my wife. But nobody loves women more than I do.

6. I’m thankful for my intelligence. Nobody has the ideas that I do. Trump University wouldn’t exist without my brain. We had the brightest students, we really did. Brighter than light bulbs. It’s amazing how it only went bankrupt four times. That shows that I have a high IQ. A very high IQ, almost as high as Stephen Hawking’s. Research has proven that.

7. I am grateful for my tax returns. America has yet to see them, but I know people would be proud of me. I’ve donated quite a bit of money to local organizations, mainly white, male-dominated corporations. I’m not a politician, so I don’t get controlled by other companies. I spend my money wisely, such as only using up $315 million of the $392.1 million that I have collected throughout my campaign. That shows America how good I am with money. Nobody can save the way I do, it’s mind-blowing.

8. I’m proud of my ability to speak my mind, I really am. The right to free speech is remarkable. I can walk down Fifth Avenue shouting obscenities at folks on the sidewalks and nobody would shut me down. I can also engage in locker room talk. It’s great, really. Locker room talk that is. Boys will be boys, and I appreciate a good locker room session. The freedom to speak my mind lets the public know who I really am.

9. I am greatly disappointed by the fact that my face, the face of America, has not yet been carved into the rocks of Mount Rushmore. Imagine the history books they will write about that: “Trump rocks Mount Rushmore.” I’d hang alongside good ol’ Washington and Lincoln. Lincoln freed the slaves you know. Great man. Truly great, man. But that mountain would look better with America’s finest on it. Truly great that mountain would be.

10. I am thankful for my ability to be a great man. Without my charisma and charming comments, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I am happy that I turned out so successful. I have truly sacrificed a lot. Nobody else has sacrificed what I have. I am successful, I really am.