The Common Denominator: Bathroom Graffiti, The End of an Era?

 

“Tim wuz here 420 Blaze it”

-Tim *******

Since the addition of the Everyday Rules Clause to Section VII of the student handbook, bathroom graffiti has become an illegal activity punishable by up to a 10 day suspension for repeat offenders. However like a petri dish packed with deadly pathogens, graffiti culture has thrived under the heat. In fact, the ban ushered in what historians have dubbed “The Golden Age” of graffiti at Algonquin, dated roughly between 1997-2003. After a brief renaissance at the turn of the decade, the quality of art has been in a gradual decline ever since. Scientists agree that such normal fluctuations are to be expected, yet they are left scratching their heads at the latest trend to rock the stalls.

Recent studies have shown that graffiti art is hemorrhaging quality with each passing week. Top analysts have suggested that if current trends continue, Algonquin may be seeing AMSA levels by February. Statistically speaking, the quality of bathroom art is in an uncontrollable nose dive with no Denzel Washington in sight to set it straight. So return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

The Common Denominator investigative task force was fortunate enough to track down a former bathroom graffiti icon who would agree to be interviewed. He asked that we conceal his identity in order to avoid Guild sanctions for leaking trade secrets. The following is raw, uncut and untamed and may be disturbing for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Common Denominator: What drove you to make graffiti in the Bathrooms?

Graffiti Icon: I thought it was a good way to pass the time while cutting Mr. Crenshaw’s class.

CD: You must have heard of the “Great Pot Leaf of ‘98”?

GI: Oh the one in the H200 bathroom? Who hasn’t? I remember being in seventh grade and just begging my mom to take me to see it. There were lines of news crews and journalists with vans parked outside, all waiting to catch a fleeting glimpse of the masterpiece. Being a small kid, I managed to slip through the crowds and get into the stall all to myself for a matter of milliseconds. On that day, I saw true beauty for the first time in my young life. The stems stood tall and I could have sworn I even saw the seven leaves swaying in the breeze. The permanent marker may have been scrubbed off the walls years ago, but it can never be erased from my mind. If it hadn’t been for that men’s room marvel, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.

CD: From our understanding there is a considerable amount of risk associated with your profession. Did you ever worry about being caught?

GI: If I was a !@$#% who gave a $#@% about *(&^@! like that, I wouldn’t have been doing half the %!$@# that I did.

CD: Who would you consider to be your greatest inspiration?

GI: That’s a tricky question, but I would probably pick Norman Rockwell. While portraying the struggles of the Great Depression and the prosperity of the post-war era in America, Rockwell pushed boundaries and drowned his audiences in pools of truth, justice and socio-economic realism. I think about his realist style every time I design a new piece. I like to believe that before he was painting uplifting scenes of American life, Rockwell got his start drawing genitalia on bathroom walls just as I have done.

Indeed, the situation in the restrooms of Algonquin is bleak.  With the crisis worsening every day, it appears as though bathroom graffiti, the former cornerstone of Algonquin’s cultural heritage, is down the toilet. Yet some still insist that it’s not our problem. They may be correct; statistically most current Algonquin students will have graduated within the next four years. But are these the bathrooms we want to leave behind for future generations? Think about your legacy. Think about the children.